New Life

Okay...

This is my very first blog. I'm not entirely sure about what to write or why exactly I am writing. But, there is something that I can declare definitively...

This is as worse at it gets.

Not many a time have I been able to concentrate or focus on anything productive or at least worth the while. But I believe these little symbolic trains of letters are going to be my new start. A "New Life".

You must be wondering what was wrong with me until this point (I'm talking about the instant I wrote this blog). Well, I went as deep as hell in my delusions of teenage fantasies. 

Now, I'm not talking about drinking, smoking cigars or any such physically dishonouring activities. Neither was I involved in gambling, thievery or any sort of deviant behaviour. I've never been (too much of) a prodigal son, a public nuisance or a pervert.

So what's the big talk all about? What are you getting at? Why the heck is this guy getting at, I mean, come on... What's worse than gambling and perversion?

Just give me a moment to let in the dramatic silence guys. 

Deteriorating Morality.

I know most of you would have been expecting me to have been an Al' Qaeda terrorist or a Jack-The-Ripper sort of serial killer. But trust me I was worse than most of them.

There was a time in my senior secondary that I thought I fell in love; I repeat "I thought". What happened was that there was this girl in my high school, every guy in my class was talking about then (trust me, back then I had no sense of beauty whatsoever), and Lady Fortune, The Blind was kind enough to get me a place close to her. It wasn't much of a deal for a few months. But soon I knew I had to test the Lady once again. I bet she didn't like that and granted me a rather obvious contradiction. The worst part was that it sounded OBVIOUS. 

I really didn't care about that when it happened, and the amount of secrecy I was able to construct for the occasion was certainly not typical in the usual proposal scenarios. Now there is a saying that secrecy is just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode (If there wasn't one, here it is). Now when the news spread, it spread like White Walkers in the North, Orcs in Isengard and it could not be stopped. 

Now, let's do a social experiment. You tell a child that he is the one to become the President. The child will be easily convinced and he will associate his life with this goal and attribute his success and failure in its favour. A similar situation happened in my case. There were suddenly a lot of friends who started telling me that I deserve her. Eventually, I was convinced that I deserve her. Soon I found myself thinking only about her.

There began misery. The obvious "no" had began to destroy the rest of my life, inch by inch. All I ever achieved was attributed in convincing myself that I was doing something to please her. I turned enemies of friends, and soon I started having trust issues. And unfortunately for me Mr. Fate had timed everything perfectly and I was left to my solitude in the god forsaken entrance coaching classes, eventually developing a negative mentality.

My aims soon changed from achieving success to pleasing her. Thus, converting my theories into:

• She is everything
• Anything else in life sucks
• Anything that I achieve is because I admire her.

Such infidelities crept into my formerly well nurtured life. It didn't cause a great deal of problems in the coaching classes. As you know, treacheries borne in solitude, choke itself in solitude, as being the motto and reason for capital punishments such as life long solitary confinements.

Then college began. How I HATED it.

Clamorous, indiscreet, unpunctual, unruly and chaotic.

I wouldn't have hated the chaotic part. I love chaos when it is strategically placed. So conveniently discrete.

Let's get back to our point here. I was thoroughly brainwashed by my intoxicated memories and intensified by my selfish ideologies, that were born and raised in solitude, I was totally unsociable. And all I had in mind was the unquenchable hostility against this community that glorifies the sociable and looks down upon the individualists. My sickness grew for like a weeds in unused wells.

An year ago I was just a typical nobody. Fortunately for me there was a group of people who were as intellectually weird as me, who were willing to involve me with them for what I am. They taught me more than what I could ever learn about society and how I could be a part of it without developing hostile ideas. They pulled out my drowning soul and put it in command. With them I forgot my woes. I was indeed given a new life; A life where none of my past matters; A life where the present pulls not, the weight of the past.

Okay... I know I'm being a little too senti over here and I'm not being successful in it either.

I have to admit now that there is only one way to say it sincerely...

THANK YOU WATCHOUT...

For giving me a New Life...